Thursday, June 30, 2016

THE WALK

I never thought that taking a daily morning walk would mean so much to me. But as it happens, it does and that has been my biggest loss through the this whole difficult time.  Sitting in a chair day in day out has certainly taken it's toll, but fortunately writing entries for this blog has really been a God-send. Now I've allowed myself to think about getting back into those daily morning walks.

THE DREAM
By Patty Lynn

I guess it’s now a waiting game, there’s healing to be done,
Continuing to give to God the end result, for one,
And that is only part of it, my psyche needs some work.
Believing this will turn out right, from that I often shirk.

Oh, I could justify my thoughts, inject some good excuses,
But all in all you’d soon find out that really what’s the use of…
Worrying and fretting and “what if-ing it to death.
It truly serves no purpose, not really, I confess.

I’ll have to set those thoughts aside, accept the end result,
And if I’d walk again each morn, I’d do a somersault!
It seems so, well, ironic, that that’s my greatest wish,
Since walking as an exercise was never on my list.

I never was an athlete, I didn’t care for sports,
And when “the gang” went to the gym it made me “out of sorts.”
I knew that I should exercise, I knew I really should,
But I felt so self-conscious and that is never good.

So I missed out on how they said endorphins made you feel.
Yeah, I missed out and justified my loss as no big deal.
But when much later in my life my back did not complain,
I found a joy I hadn’t known, or thought I could attain.

Just simply walking made me feel alive and so much better…
Than how I felt without that walk, it made me a go-getter!
It long had been that back of mine that kept me oh, so, limited,
I was inclined, I was resigned, but now, at last, was spirited.

So that’s my goal when all of this is finally said & done,
To take that daily walk again, outside and feel the sun…
Upon my face, I can’t erase, this dream that’s just so vivid.
Achieving this, will be my “fix,” if not, why, I’ll be livid.



Wednesday, June 29, 2016

LET'S REALLY COMMUNICATE

My entry for today is somewhat tongue in cheek.  That is, it first started out as an experiment. Occasionally I enjoy letting a poem take me places I didn't plan on going.  I get a thought and a scenario and the poem just unfolds.  So, here it is.

PERSON-TO-PERSON
By Patty Lynn

It’s funny how things just evolve without conscious intentions,
How thoughts creep in you didn’t plan, as unannounced inventions.
My mind it goes to places where I’m lost in revere,
Imagining a time gone by when you were here with me.

Those lovely days when hand in hand we walked a distant shore;
You held my hand and I held yours, who could have asked for more?
Then tenderly you whispered low, “My darling, dear, my own,
I hear a lilting melody...my gosh, is that your phone?”

My readers, I apologize, but this is not farfetched,
Like cellphones, our technology is indelibly etched…
Into the fabric of our lives, we’re inextricably connected…
To our equipment, not to us, we’re systematically subjected…

To what we think improves our lives...enhanced communication.
But really what we’ve gained is this, severe contamination…
Of one on one, of face to face, of talking to each other.
We’ve lost the art of speaking with our voice to one another.

Likewise, when was the last time that you actually wrote a letter?
I bet when you received one you found that was even better.
Writing letters, simply put, has fallen by the wayside,
Replaced with texts which never leave me feeling on the gay side.

But that’s just one example, there are many things we’ve lost.
These gadgets we depend on have come at such a cost!
Don’t get me wrong, it’s nice to have the access it affords me,
But only if I don’t ignore the person moving towards me…

With whom I need to talk, engage, strike up a conversation,
A person who has sought me out, what if it’s time invasion?
Why is it we’re too busy, just so rushed throughout our day,
We haven’t any time to “Chat, I’ll text ya,’ that OK?”

It was a wise man who once said, “All things in moderation,”
Why can’t we try that concept here, give this consideration?
It doesn’t have be like this, an all or nothing prospect.
Just vow that being face to face is best, the brightest concept.

And so I’ll step down from my box, I guess I’ve said my piece.
Technology is here to stay, my thoughts have had release.
Perhaps reverse a thought or two, make people your priority.
I think your life will be enriched, I say with some authority.

For no one wants to think that they’re connected, only sort of
And real communication, well, a cellphone just falls short of…
The kind of real connection you achieve when face to face.
For really we’re not robots rather from the human race.

I’m not suggesting that we throw away all our technology.
These thoughts are my opinion & for that I’ve no apology.
It may be that I’m older and I grew up quite without it.
I know that it has value and you really shouldn't doubt it.

I would suggest you realize that meaningful conversing
Should be reserved for times that you communicate in-person.



Tuesday, June 21, 2016

I COULD HAVE DIED A HAPPY WOMAN (from December 2013)

Tonight as I was deciding which poems to choose for my next book, I realized that this post was never published to my blog.  I have no idea why but it wasn't and as read through it once again well, the tears kept coming.  It truly shows how precious grandchildren are to all of us lucky to be grandparents.  So, as a trip down Memory Lane, here is the post from 2013.


This title may seem a bit extreme but I've never been so serious in my life and I just had to share this with you.  I've been sick for about 10 days and consequently I missed my usual time with my grandchildren.  I only hoped they missed me as much as I missed them so you can imagine how surprised I was to hear how much one of the twins really did.

I picked both boys up from school on Monday and they looked genuinely glad to see me.  Although they both said, "I missed you, Grandma" I was in store for some musical evidence that my absence was truly felt.  Shortly before 5:30 when I had decided it was time for me to go home (I still don't feel a hundred percent,) Ian asked if I wanted to hear the song he wrote for me.  Of course I answered with a resounding "yes" and we proceeded to the office where he sat down at the piano.  Both boys have started piano lessons this year but are at a truly beginner level.  But Ian is certainly not at a beginner level in creativity or confidence.


This little tender-hearted-seven-year-old began by telling me he had written a song for me but then corrected himself and said, no, it was five songs.  Regardless of the exact number, this Grandma was regaled with a series of the darlingest, composed-on-the spot, love songs expressing how he truly missed me.  Here is a sampling of some of the lyrics:  "Where is she, where is she.  I don't know where she is, I miss her, I miss her.  Guess I will only see her in my dreams.  My Grandma, I miss her, I wish that I could kiss her.  Oh, where is she, where did she go."  Can you even believe how sweet?  And now you understand my title for this blog.  I said to my husband when I called him on the way home, "After that song, if I had died that night I would have died a happy woman."  Grandchildren are such a joy and moments like these so far surpass joy that it's hard to give a descriptive word that could express it.

A DEDICATION

Tonight's blog is dedicated to someone I hold dear, someone who, like all of us, needs a reminder of how special she is and what a good mother she is.  You see, once a mother always a mother and no matter how old we are or how grown up our children are, we will always love, always care, and will always do anything for them.

MOTHERHOOD
By Patty Lynn

She often thinks about the years when you were very small,
The sleepless nights, the coughs and colds, the soothing of it all,
The skinned-up knees, the feelings hurt, the worries in your teens,
“What should I do, my life is through, or should I get those jeans?”

It seems so very long ago, a lifetime, that’s for sure,
But funny thing, for motherhood, there isn’t any cure.
It matters not if you are three or nearly middle-aged,
You are the “Mom” no matter what, it isn't "just a stage."

A Mother’s love it knows no bounds, far as the heart can see.
She never stops believing she’s the answers to your plea.
Solutions aren’t forthcoming but she wants so much to fix it.
She’ll never, ever stop her tries or recognize her limits.

That how she’s made, you are her child, she wants the best for you.
No matter what, concerning you, she’s there to see you through.
So if the choices you have made have really got you down,
You’re overwhelmed, say life’s not fair, your mom is still around.

You know she’ll do all she can do though you might think, “That’s all?”
No matter what, she’ll try to be right at your beckon call.
The bottom line is that she wants for you what’s best, what’s good.
She loves you, dear, with all her heart for such is motherhood.











Friday, June 17, 2016

I NEVER LEFT...

It's Friday and I've just finished the poem I started last night.  So, as you can tell by the title, it concerns itself with Thursday.  Funny how when I began Thursday's poem, I realized that I had been in the house the entire day, which I suppose is OK since it was a dark & dreary day, anyway.  Today by contrast is a beautiful day & I did get out to the store briefly.  Almost makes me feel normal. Imagine that.

THURSDAY THOUGHTS
By Patty Lynn

I sit alone and realize that I have never left.
I’ve never left the house today but I am not depressed,
No, rather I am pleased with me, for I accomplished much.
As I am now allowed to walk and, brother, it's a rush.

I gave myself a haircut, I organized & straightened,
I made both lunch and supper, too, the normalcy was great and…
I changed the bedding with the help of Frank, my helpful husband.
He’s there for me, no matter what, for him I needn’t summon.

I opened up the package that bore my latest bargain,
A brand-new bedspread just for me, Frank didn’t want a part in,
But it was perfect for my room, the colors complimented.
One look at it and all I felt was happy and contented.

I stood too much, I know I did, just doing all that stuff,
But, brother, it was worth it, but it was not enough…
To make up for the weeks and weeks I sat & couldn’t walk,
Recouping the priority, how could I even baulk…

When all I want is simply this, my morning walks outside,
To feel the sunshine on my face, a mile or two with pride.
It will take time to fully gain the full use of my foot,
To walk the distance at a clip unless it goes caput…

It’s possible that my infection could return again,
And if it does, the doctor says that toe must go and then…
I’ll bow my head and go on praying to the Lord above
To heal me and to make me whole with His enduring love.

I’ve been so blessed each day I live, so much I’m thankful for,
And if another challenge comes or three or four or more,
I know my Savior will be there to guide and help me through it.
His love alone will give me strength to know that I can do it!

Tuesday, June 14, 2016

A SILLY COMPARISON

TRANSFORMED
By Patty Lynn

For those of you who can recall the TV shows gone by,
I’m speaking of the 50’s, mine often amplify.
I loved to watch the actor, Steve Reeves, as Superman.
So many men have played him since & I suppose each can…

But he’s who I remember more fondly than the rest.
And though you may not feel the same, I think he was the best.
Today I thought about the phrase that each time was repeated…
Before each episode began, how viewers all were greeted.

In fact, that phrase is known by some who’ve never seen the show,
So I will tell you what it is, once heard I’m sure you’ll know:
“Is it a bird? Is it a plane?” I’m sure you know the rest.
“Oh, no it’s Superman,” it goes, I bet you passed the test.

But why did that phrase come to mind especially today?
It’s strange, that’s true, but you will see by what I have to say.
You see, when I first saw my foot with toes so straight and true,
I didn’t recognize it, hey, does that belong to you?

And so that phrase it came to mind but with an alteration.
It may be hard to understand, I needed affirmation.
So to myself I said these words, reminding me again…
Of Superman and of that phrase from TV way back when.

“Is it a foot, is it my foot?” now you might think it silly,
You may be right but, I confess, my thoughts came willy-nilly.
So much has happened with that foot that started so deformed
That when I saw it, I must say, indeed it had transformed!



This poem was written yesterday right after I saw the doctor, the first since I had the 2nd surgery to remove an abscess that had developed on my little toe. Unfortunately, it had invaded the bone as well so now I must wait until the 6 weeks of antibiotics is concluded in hopes that the infection will not come back.  If it does, the doctor will have to amputate the little toe.  I pray it will not come to that and I will have a foot with straight toes, all five.

Monday, June 13, 2016

WISHFUL THINKING?

So late and yet I can't begin to think of going to bed without expressing what's on my heart. Tomorrow at 10 a.m. I see the foot doctor.  It's been one week exactly since the procedure to remove the abscess and I'm so anxious to see what my foot looks like as I've not seen it in all that time.  Also, I will learn what his assessment of my progress will be.  I pray it looks healthy, not inflamed and I'm blessed with a good report.


FINALLY MINE
By Patty Lynn

It’s Sunday night and all is well, for soon to bed I go...
Anticipating what will come tomorrow morn and so…
I’ll try to fill my thoughts with this, a good report to be,
That when the doc evaluates my poor left foot for me…

I pray that what he finds is that my foot has healed well
And that it’s time, to leave the past behind and fears dispel,
That clear it is, the evidence, that all my toes are fine
Because, at last, my little toe won’t wander out of line.

And so my story will not end with more that isn’t right,
No surgeries, infections or more complicated blight.
That I’ll be done, the battles won, just further healing’s due,
And I will hope I can attempt to actually wear a shoe.

This is my hope but it may be a bit of wishful thinking,
But if it is, I hope, at least, it is a new beginning…
Fulfilling this, my hope of having two good feet that work
So I can take my daily walk, a routine won’t shirk.

Yes, walking’s been the goal for me, the thing that I most wish.
These weeks have been a tragic curse as if imposed by witch.
But it will all be worth it, time gladly left behind
If God’s will is to grant my wish and walking’s finally mine.


Saturday, June 11, 2016

A STEP IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION

This poem was written yesterday when I was so thrilled to be up and walking. Today not so much, so, as my foot struggles to stand for more than a few minutes at a time I still feel the joy of walking.  I' m so blessed to walk at all and, though limited, it's a step (pun intended) in the right direction.


ALL THINGS NEW
By Patty Lynn

Today I was more mobile, I walked around the house,
Then went outside to see my flowers, securing me, my spouse.
The things we take for granted made more precious by restriction
Are so much sweeter when achieved, a much longed for prediction!

The sun, the shade made dappled by our wondrous backyard trees,
To feel the air upon my face is happiness indeed.
But even though I did too much and paid the price tonight,
I’ve no regrets, I’ll rest and then tomorrow I will fight…

To keep mobility the goal, re-introduce myself...
To moving from my chair at last, I’ll gladly say farewell.
I only hope that all of this will end with good result.
The memory of this to erase, it’s been most difficult.

So often with our health we feel the doctor’s in control,
Forgetting that it’s God himself in charge of us, in whole.
Yes, we can follow all the rules, what pills to take and such,
But none of it affects a change without the Father’s touch.

For He alone can turn the tide, can heal our soul and body,
Can change a day to sunshine bright from one that’s dark and cloudy.
We must remember only He can truly heal each heart,
Can take you from a hurtful time back to a healthy start.

And so tonight as I reflect, I know much lies ahead.
Perhaps the end to all my trials is where the Father’s lead,
But if it’s not, I know He’ll give me strength to see it through,
Reminding me that He’s in charge and he’ll make all things new.



Wednesday, June 8, 2016

BAD NEWS

It’s late Wednesday night and the following are the thoughts going through my head after the unexpected news I had today. 



HIS WILL
By Patty Lynn

I’ve taken pen to paper just because my tablet’s charging.
Like me it’s running low, for sure, today’s news quite alarming.
The doctor’s office called, I thought, they wished to check on me.
They do that kind of thing, you know, if you've had surgery.

But I was unprepared for what they really called to say,
The doctor was so sure, you see, infection was at bay.
He took a culture of the bone, just to be sure he said,
But really felt from what he saw to bone it hadn’t spread.

So when the culture he sent out came back and said it had,
I felt as though my world collapsed, consumed with feeling sad.
As a result, I’ll have to be on meds a good six weeks
To kill the bone’s infection, the bacteria it seeks.

I asked, “Could this prevent the bone from healing as it should?”
The answer was “It’s possible” and that indeed’s not good.
“But we won’t know, won’t know for sure, until your foot has healed.
A couple months at least it takes, and all will be revealed.”

So I am down and really scared, not knowing what will be,
But blessed there’s One who knows the truth, has answers just for me.
The Lord above can strengthen me and see me through this trial.
My news today wish it weren’t mine, but that would be denial.

No earthly means can comfort me regardless of the outcome.
No matter what, I know He’s there, I always am His loved one.
So time will tell what is in store, what end will be my healing.
But with the Lord I can survive, His will to be revealing. 

Tuesday, June 7, 2016

OUCH!


Originally, I planned to write a companion to my previous poem, I NEVER DREAMED, in an effort to dispell the idea that I was still in a great deal of pain. Afterall, by the time Sunday rolled around, I was pleasantly anticipating that early Monday morning appointment.  

Unfortunately, I had no idea of what kind of pain I’d be facing after the abscess was drained and cleaned.  For that matter, I didn’t realize that I would have to be under another general anesthetic to have the lancing done. Well, believe you me, the pain after that was unexpectedly unbearable! It's no exaggeration that it sincerely felt like my foot was bathed in acid! So keep in mind that's when I wrote the following.

But, the good news is that the foot doctor's assistant suggested that I take Ibuprofen twice a day, just for a couple of days to calm down the inflammation, and I can actually walk with my foot touching the ground. No more pain, no more acid ! Hallelujah!!!

BARE-UP!
By Patty Lynn

I thought today would be a cinch, I’d simply say goodbye...
To all of the infection, to drain it so that I…
Would fin’ly be rid of it, a pain so darn severe
That all my meds won’t touch it, I so wish it weren’t here…

But here it is, I’m in such pain it’s hard for me to tell…
Just what it’s like, though different, no point for me to dwell…
Upon it now, suffice to say, it’s like an open wound,
And certainly it’s not the way I thought I’d feel in June.

But what was done in an attempt to reconstruct my foot,
There wasn’t any precedent, unique, it simply put...
Was very complicated, most doctors had declined
To even try to do the job, would never cross their mind.

So here I am, the abscess gone, surprised I’m in such pain,
That when my foot is down at all, I hardly know my name.
By that I mean, I’m so consumed, so in the grip of pain
That I can think of nothing else,  just one thing I can blame.

But what’s the point, no point at all describing how I deal
With pain, my limitations too, exactly how I feel?
It makes no difference, anyway, what matters is you care
And if you do, that’s all I need, just knowing that you’re there.

You see, each person has “something” that’s difficult to shoulder,
And, if we’re honest, painful things are part of getting older.
An operation, broken bones or ol’ arthritis flare-up,
Regardless, we must always do our very best to bare-up.





Monday, June 6, 2016

UNEXPECTED

This latest post was written last night before my return to surgery this morning, a very unpleasant thought.  By this time I expected to have the boot gone and a return to walking.  You see, Friday night was one spent in agonizing pain after I had gotten the horrifying news that I now had cellulitis.
Fortunately, my doctor had prescribed an antibiotic & I thought that was the end of all of this. Instead, the cellulitis progressed. I now had an abscess that swelled up, made my little toe as wide as my big toe and continued to grow larger & larger and more & more painful. I finally got a hold of the doctor and was told he would open & drain it this morning. I'll post another entry about all of that later today.

I NEVER DREAMED…
By Patty Lynn

The weekend’s almost over and looking back I find
That just so much has happened, that’s weighing on my mind.
It seems as though I haven’t reaped the benefits I sought,
But rather I have back-tracked; things happened that should not.

I should be looking forward to days of walking tall,
Enjoying days of summer, my flowers, yard and all.
But rather I am thinking about tomorrow’s visit,
Returning to the doctor, how many times now is it?

I think this is the third one, and things have gotten worse,
From cellulitis, so he said, believe me it’s a curse,
Compounded by an abscess I’m going to have lanced,
A part of cellulitis then, when it becomes advanced…

And I don’t know what to expect, but I think it will smart,
So I will pray for bravery, God’s comfort for my heart.
I’ll also pray that this will be the end to complications,
My foot will be allowed to heal, a source of celebration.

For, as they say, this whole ordeal is getting pretty old.
I knew that outcomes medical can’t often be controlled
But didn’t think I’d have the kind of pain I’ve had to face,
Nor did I think I’d still be in  this awful, painful brace.

It’s such a shame for I progressed so very, very well,
Was right on track, I didn’t lack, as far as I could tell.
And then it seemed to go, well, south, that’s what my husband said.
I never dreamed about the bad direction that things lead.

So I will go tomorrow morn to see the doc again
And I will hope that I will only see the doctor when…
I follow up and things have been so good and worry-free,
That there will have a healthy foot, that finally works for me!


Thursday, June 2, 2016

I DIDN'T EXPECT THIS!

Today’s blog was actually written yesterday and serves as an accurate account of just what I’m going through.  Who would’ve thought such a little toe could cause such a big problem?

All that can be done at this point, is keep my foot elevated, reposition the splint periodically, check the toe’s status, control the pain and, of course, PRAYER!


MY PAIN, MY TRAGEDY
By Patty Lynn

 Now that’s a daunting title, but one I know first-hand.
Between the weekend and today, my pain has just been grand.
I’m told I have high-tolerance, at least, that’s what they say,
But “they,” I wish they’d shut their mouths, who are they, anyway?

I finally saw the doctor to show my wandering toe,
The little one was now behind the others, don’t ya’ know?
It still was pinned, I was confused, how could that have occurred?
He didn’t know, but offered me...a “splint,” that was the word…

But really just a piece of tape, a stiff piece, ‘cause he said,
“If I would give you something hard, a wooden splint, instead,
Your poor, sore toe would never, never tolerate the pain.
I’ll use the tape to hold it there, at least, that is my aim.”

Since Friday night that toe of mine had been behind the fourth
And since it had, for three full days it wished to stay the course.
The movement of it to the spot that it was ‘posed to be,
If I’d describe the pain I’d say, unbearable to me…

Prevented me from sleep last night, was even worse by morning,
For now the toe began again to wander without warning.
Then once again the dressing and the bandage were removed,
So likewise was the splint redone, the toe to be improved.

The pain meds and re-dressing helped until late afternoon,
But with a vengeance it came back, I’d say, it was attune…
To being shot, or being burned, or being amputated.
Suffice to say, in every way, it can’t be overstated!

And so I did my very best to tolerate the pain,
Increased the meds, put up my leg, attempts were all in vain.
But still I was determined because the doctor said
That if this splint holds up your toe, all placement hopes aren’t dead.

But by the time I couldn’t take the toe pain anymore,
My husband knew he had check, to really know the score.
And when he did, we both were shocked to see it’s present state…
The toe had swollen twice it’s size, we knew we couldn’t wait…

Besides, I ran a temperature of 101.4,
But found that after 5 o’clock, the doc responds no more.
And so the doc that was on call suggested some Naproxen,
Some ice, good luck and call my doc tomorrow, was my option.

We followed what that doc advised, what other choice had we?
I’ll try to sleep till morning comes and hope the doc sees me.
The options to correct the situation with my toe
Are ones I just can’t think about, tonight I will forego.

                                 ADDENDUM

I’m glad that I can fill you in and make a good report:
I slept all right, awoke pain-free & with the doc’s support…
I knew that I could see this through, that I would have success.
But when I called, found out he’s off, thought, “How do I progress?”

So, I was transferred this time to a lovely nurse who said,
“He’s off today but he’ll see you tomorrow aft, instead.
I’ll see him then & we’ll discuss my small toe’s remedy.
The fact that I must deal with this, is such a tragedy!