Monday, May 30, 2016

MEMORIAL DAY 2016

THE HIDING PLACE
By Patty Lynn


I’m sitting on the deck, I am, on this Memorial Day
While others celebrate, relax, cook-out and are at play.
This place I find myself today is, oh, so solitary.
It’s tough to be alone like this, while others are so merry.

But lest you think for dramas sake I’m saying, “World, poor me.”
I’m here because, it’s just a fact, it’s where I choose to be.
With all that’s weighing on my mind I really can’t social…
The last thing that folks need around is someone who’s not hopeful…

Because if things remain like this, if they remain much longer,
It’s safe to say, the doc’s ideas, the thoughts that he will conjure…
To solve the problem medically, or even with a knife,
Diminish since with waiting now, more problems will be rife.

That little toe moves ever so beneath the foot some more.
The pins still in and so it seems with increased time grows sore.
And I don’t know what to expect from mister doctor dear.
I’m not a doctor but I hope he makes those plans real clear…

Because it should be easier to plan what should be done
Before the pins come out, I’d say, and all his work is done.
But I don’t know, I’m not a doc, I’m someone who’s forlorn
And wishing I could turn back time to when these feet were born,

A time when circumstances were that both feet worked just fine
And I was walking straight and tall with toes that all aligned.
But I must face reality, I’ve got the feet I’ve got.
A bigger mess is mine because results were not so hot!

I’m trying hard to rise above the way things are today,
To try to look ahead and see an outlook that’s not grey,
But it’s not easy, it’s darned hard to wear a happy face
When if I let my thoughts take hold, I’d find a hiding place.

Sunday, May 29, 2016

THERE ARE NO WORDS

Today was my lowest day since this foot thing began so rather than elaborate, my poem will say it all.

CLOUD OF BLACK
By Patty Lynn

It started just the other day, I found I had a pain,
A new one, I have got to say, but it sure knew my name.
It bothered me to have it now, since it was something new.
It wasn’t like the rest I had, with that pain I was through.

It felt as though my little toe would hit inside my boot,
And yet, by this stage, that’s not right, no, that does not compute.
And so I said, “Let’s take a look,” so we removed the dressing,
And what we saw was not at all what I would call a blessing.

You see, although the reasons why I had the surgery…
Were issues that were such that it became necessity,
One major part effecting me was this: the little toe,
For it positioned ‘neath the foot, was walking on it so…

That with each step the pain was so intense that I would wince.
It wasn’t long before I knew, yes, I became convinced,
That all these problems multiplied, they needed to be fixed.
I searched and interviewed some docs, a lot were in the mix,

Then settled on the present doc who took upon the challenge,
Who was convinced it doable, was sure that he could manage…
To straighten-up my foot to make it possible to walk.
But though he couldn’t guarantee, I really, really thought…

That, at the very least, my toe, that I was walking on,
Would be positioned where it should when he was finally done.
And, certainly, I didn’t think, while all were pinned in place,
That little toe behind the rest, that that would be the case.

So though I placed a page, was told my doctor was on call,
I had to wait about an hour, which gave me time to bawl,
To finally hear, oh, not from him, but from some random doc
Who wasn’t a podiatrist, no reason I should talk…

At length about the toe at all, his tack was standard stuff,
“Things change when they are healing, dear, I know it can be rough.
But they can probably get you in, so call when Tuesday comes.
It’s hard to say just what your foot’s alignment will become.”

And then he said, “Well, you could go straight to Emergency.”
To which I said, “And to what end?” and he said, “I agree.”
So basically, I’m stuck, that’s it, and I will wait until…
Next Tuesday when I’ll make the call and hope I get a thrill…

By that I mean, I’ll find someone who’ll want me to come in…
To have a look, evaluate, and then adjust the pin
Or do whatever can be done to lift this cloud of black,
Replace it with these magic words, “Looks good, you’re right on track.”             
        

Tuesday, May 24, 2016

I'M PAYING FOR IT

So yesterday I was feeling much better in the foot department and I thought I could do a sitting activity since I've wanted to clean out my receipt files, especially the medical ones.  So all was going well and, of course, I rested all through lunch with my foot up and thought that'd be enough.

After lunch my foot was still feeling alright so I resumed my office project.  Well, about 4 pm I thought maybe I should quit and put my foot up again, you know, rest awhile.  So almost immediately my foot started tingling, not in a good way, a kind of throbbing and I knew.  Yeah, I'd overdone it. So, I have learned my lesson and realized, in spades, that I still have a long way to go healing-wise and if I do too much too soon, I'm going to pay for it.

A LESSON LEARNED
By Patty Lynn

I learned my lesson, yes, I did,
The hard way, some would say.
And, boy, I know it, yes, I do.
I paid for it today.

You see, I felt so good, I did,
And so I crossed the line.
By that I mean I left the place
Of “Raise that leg” behind.

Besides I said, “Well, I just sat
And didn’t do much standing.”
But even so, I did too much
And now my bod’s demanding…

That I sit still, assume the pose.
If not, I’ll pay the price...
For “doing” in the office, well,
My foot says isn’t nice.

“You want to heal the way you should.
Now, don’t you want to rest?
Put up that foot, don’t leave it down.
That really is the best.”

Well, certainly, I want my foot
To heal so I can walk,
Enjoy the summer days, I do,
And when the Doc takes stock…

He’ll say, “Your foot is more than great,
More than I had predicted.
Though it was hard to sit that much,
It’s good you were restricted…

Because your foot, it needed that,
To heal the way it did.
I know to sit that much was hard,
But paid off for you, kid.

A good result, that’s what I want,
My walking to restore,
To walk the treadmill when it’s cold,
Walk outside like before.


Saturday, May 21, 2016

REALITY SINKS IN

I wanted to make sure that going to church tomorrow is feasible since it would be the last time I'd see the sweet 3&4-year-old children that I have in Sunday School.  There are a few steps into the room and that concerned me but I also needed to know if I could walk as far as I needed to get to the room they occupy and back to the church proper for the service.  So my thought was for my husband and myself to make a short trip to the grocery store to pick up some steak.

Well, that was a rude awakening.  Although I have been motivating pretty well around the house for the past few days, it was obvious that it would be a mistake to tackle going to church, as much as I want to go.

Here is the poem that tells the whole story:

THE ADVENTURE
By Patty Lynn

Today was an adventure, a challenge I imposed.
I wanted to determine, the distance I could go.
You see, I really wanted to go to church and tell…
My precious Sunday Schoolers that I was doing well.

This foot has been the reason I’ve not been there to see…
The faces of the children who share God’s Word with me.
And so, as I’m more mobile, I gave myself this test:
A short stop to the market, but would my foot protest?

I really thought it doable, but I confess it wasn’t,
And if you asked if my foot hurt, I’d like to say, “It doesn’t.”
But what I learned and realized was that I’m not quite ready…
To cover that much space as yet, but progress has been steady.

The point is that I tried today but know my limitations.
I know that I’m progressing and that all I need is patience,
And more specifically I learned, though I wish that I could do it,
That church tomorrow’s not advised, it’s best that I don’t do it.

Thursday, May 19, 2016

THE NEXT STEP

So yesterday marked the half-way mark of the saga of the foot.  I had the stitches out.  I was anxious to go but not just because I wanted the stitches gone, I needed to tell them that I had been experiencing some really painful days of late, pain that I had way back just after surgery.  I couldn't stand for more than 3-5 minutes and zings of that pain were so severe I would actually cry out.  I knew that wasn't normal, that I should be getting around pretty good with just the boot and frankly, I felt I was going backwards.  The irony was that I knew it had everything to do with my third toe, the toe that I questioned when I had my first post-opt visit.  That toe was twisted and down lower than the other toes and it just "didn't look right."  I'm no doctor but it was really obvious and I didn't buy it when they said, "All the toes look just how we want them to look."

Yesterday, surprise, surprise, they took notice (all the while I'm thinking, "Why didn't they listen to me in the first place?") So the choices were to spend the next three weeks in agony or pull the pin out of that toe now.  I don't know if that will jeopardize the end result as the other pins won't come out for 3 more weeks but it's the only decision that makes sense.  It was immediate, the pain was gone and I walked out of the office while I came in sitting in a wheelchair.  So I'm minus the stitches and one pin and continuing to pray that all will turn out with a positive result.  I go back 3 weeks from yesterday and supposedly will be pinless and bootless and hope, like the dickens, that I can put on a shoe.

I’M IN STITCHES
By Patty Lynn

Yesterday I had them out, the stitches, and I’d say
That it was great to see my foot, its beauty on display.
It still looks like raw meat, it’s true, but healing like it should.
The swelling has gone down a bit, I finally understood…

How complicated this had been, to reconstruct my foot.
Just breaking all my toes and then to make sure they’d stay put,
To fuse the big toe so that toe would then be straight, at last
And all of this would take some time and nothing would go fast…

Including all the healing time then praying all would go...
Exactly as was planned and hoped but do we really know?
Because each doctor said he’d never seen a foot like mine,
So crippled and misshapen and most chose to decline.

Until this doctor took a look and said he lives for challenge,
His reputation was real good, no signs he was unbalanced.
So I decided to choose him and prayed he’d do it right.
I’m half-way through, ‘tween me and you, the ending is in sight.

The pins will be removed they say in three more weeks or so,
But yesterday things changed a bit, one pin just had to go...
Because that toe was causing pain that radiated down
Which made the foot hurt and it showed, each day I worn a frown.

So I was glad to see it go, the pain’s alleviated.
There’s three toes pinned, I’m not upset, but rather I’m elated!
Though ‘head of schedule or on time, it had to say goodbye
‘Cause three more weeks of pain like that, I couldn’t even try!

This process can’t be done too soon, I pray for it’ success,
For in God’s hands and by His grace, the outcome He will bless.
I’ll turn it over, trusting Him to help me understand.
Whatever it may be, I know, it’s just what He has planned.

Sunday, May 15, 2016

MY IMAGININGS!

As much as I would like it to be the truth, I'm not going to the salon and having my scheduled color and cut tomorrow.  The reality is that I couldn't sit that long without my foot throbbing.  What I am going to do is have my long overdue haircut.  I am going quite out of my mind from sitting with my foot up and fully expect all the good that my treadmill daily for a year did for my body, will cause me to, well, spread.  Besides the fact that it's really hard to amuse oneself for hours on end.  Shhhh...(whispering) I can hear the spreading, if you were here you'd hear it, too.

The good part is that I've written a glut of poetry and I'm glad about that but...really, I shouldn't complain.  I'm at the half-way mark and that something to be celebrated.  I pray that the foot is healing right on schedule and when the boot comes off that the pins come out and the toes...boing!...spring into place, I'll be one happy camper, or should I say, walker.  At least, I hope so.

ALL’S RIGHT WITH THE WORLD
By Patty Lynn

I’m getting my hair done tomorrow, I’m giddy!
Alert all the media, and tell all the city…
I’m leaving my chair for a ride in the car,
My hairdresser’s waiting, I know it’s bizarre…

But if I could jump, why, I’d just jump for joy.
At last all my boredom this trip will destroy.
He’ll ask me, “Now, what we are doing today?”
And I’ll answer quite quickly, without a delay,

“I think I’ll pick purple, that’s my favorite color
Or maybe a fuchsia or some shade or other.
Please give me some streaks, a rainbow of hews,
And style, make it spikey, yes, that’s what I’ll choose.

I almost forgot, could I get some extensions,
I’d love some long locks, I have no apprehensions.
I know that I should have but I’m feeling euphoric,
And my spirits are soaring, they’re quite meteoric!

I suppose that it might have to do with this sitting.
It’s now been three weeks, don’t you think that it’s fitting...
For me to be happy, no, that’s understated,
Just leaving the house, can’t be overrated.

Forgive me, it’s just that I’m going insane.
This sitting and sitting, it’s just not humane...
For someone to be so completely immobile.
If I sit here much longer, I’m going to go postal!

So, you see, though it seems that I’m being dramatic,
And I’m sure you can see that I'm starting to panic,
Can’t wait till tomorrow, my head’s in a whirl,
A color and cut, all’s right with world!

Friday, May 13, 2016

THE DOLDRUMS

I guess I shouldn't be surprised, but it finally happened, the doldrums got me!  I must have underestimated how all this immobility and sitting, sitting and sitting would affect me or I've been so blessed to have my family and friends make regular visits, that I thought I was immune.  Either way, today was that day, when all of this got me down.  So, as has been the normal progression for me, I went to my tablet and took the opportunity to put it all into words.  Thank you, God, for this wonderful avenue! So, everyone, here it is, my thoughts and musings in the midst of the downs.

AH, POETRY
By Patty Lynn

I thank my lucky stars I’ve got the outlet of the pen,
Well, really it’s a keyboard, to think and write and then…
To put my feelings there in print and give my many thoughts a voice.
With all these hours of such solitude, I haven’t any choice.

For it has finally happened, the doldrums have set in.
I know this foot needs lots of rest for healing to begin...
So, like I’ve said so many times, I’ll follow doctor’s orders,
But I don’t have to like it, yeah, I’m not a big supporter...

Of sitting with my leg up, yeah, I’m sitting by the hour,
Until the negativity begins to overpower…
My mind, my thoughts, and then those awful feelings of depression
That led me to the, “Oh, poor me,” which needs a new direction!

“So that’s enough of that,” I say, and grab my trusty tablet
And, fortunately, I resort to my poetic habit.
Till now I’ve never realized how much my writing soothes me
Or just how many times in life cathartically it moves me.

I don’t know what I’d do if I would have to cope without it.
Though some may call it frivolous and simply just discount it,
For me it gives me purpose, provides me with release...
For thoughts, emotions, deep within, and often gives me peace.

So, all in all, how blessed am I to have a way to vent,
To use poetic means to share and even to prevent…
The doldrums taking over and then the blues to take their hold…

And leave, recouping me, to feel neglected, sad and old.

Thursday, May 12, 2016

THE MAN BEHIND THE SCENES

Today's blog is in my estimation long overdue.  I've chronicled the FOOT escapade so far and will, as the spirit moves me, continue to do so, after all, the stitch removal is next week.  Doesn't that sound like fun?  So, back to the blog for today.  I haven't given credit where it's due as I haven't yet done a blog dedicated to, as the title says, the man behind the scenes, none other than Frank, my dutiful and wonderful husband.  Believe me when I say, "I couldn't have done this without him." Because I couldn't have cared for myself and an operation like this has certain home-care needs that no single person can do.  And so, I've written and now share with you:

WHAT’S GOIN’ ON?
by Patty Lynn

Sometimes when I am writing, a phrase will come to me
And that will be the basis of what the poem will be.
Today that is what happened and so my inspiration…
Began with just these simple words that aided my creation.

If you have read about the facts recorded in this missile,
You know of the foot surgery, you found in this epistle,
And sometimes laughed, as I have, too, while I have been recouping,
Because it’s best to laugh through pain than let yourself be brooding.

I cannot downplay how involved or just how complicated
The operation really was, that fact’s not overstated,
Nor can I underestimate the care that I required
Once back at home, my foot up high, all that my heart desired.

But something that you need to know was WHO was there assisting,
The one who’d answer my requests and never was dismissing.
And sometimes he would worry, too, anticipating mishaps
Imagining the worst outcomes that surely would mean setbacks.

For instance, I’d be out of sight, and uttering a sound
Like, “Darn it, oh or Geez,” a sigh, then this what I found,
I’d hear this question without fail, he’d say, “What’s goin’on?”
And I would answer back to him, “Oh, nothin’s goin’ on.

And as it was predictable I thought it kinda funny
But really I knew that he cared, my husband, dear, my honey.
It’s still the same though I’ve improved, I’m doing more myself,

But if I need care constantly, I’d choose nobody else.

Wednesday, May 4, 2016

OH, BOY, THE FOOT!

As I've mentioned before, today was the day I saw the podiatrist's PA to remove the bandages and change the dressing.  I thought I was prepared for what I saw, afterall, I knew what was done and how horrific it would be, but... rather than reiterate what my reactions were, I'll let my poetic thoughts say it all.

THE UNVEILING
By Patty Lynn

Today was the unveiling, the dressing was removed.
The PA had to change it, but let's say, "I'm not amused."
My foot, it looked so…horrible…so very unexpected
That if I could have sent it back, it would have been rejected.

In short, it is impossible for me to just describe it.
If it was not attached to me I wouldn’t recognize it.
Now, if I think about steps they took for my procedure,
I must confess, and I am not a squeamish kind of creature,

From breaking all my toes to then the tricky job resetting,
Removing all the previous screws, then fusing some, I’m betting,
Was certainly traumatic and brutal to my foot…
And complicated, quite involved, dramatic, simply put…

But BROTHER, oi, that “thing” that sits right there below my leg,
It looks like “the unholy” and for mercy can I beg?
For now I guess I’ve made my point, it doesn’t look real great!
I’ll have to just accept it for there’s healing to be made.

In two more weeks the plan is the removal of my stitches,
Then three more weeks no pins, no boot, a celebration which is…
What I will have and hopefully begin to wear real shoes,
And no more painful walking and my singing of the blues!

Sunday, May 1, 2016

FIFTEEN BIG ONES AND A GREAT BIG THANK YOU!

This past Thursday was our anniversary, 15 years and counting and although I wrote and sang a parody of Poetry in Motion for my husband, we couldn't even celebrate over a dinner out.  Why? Well, as all of you know, having read the poetic journey through my foot surgery, we have been STUCK at home.  It's only (almost) day seven and this is already getting really OLD!  But it is made bearable with a very dutiful and loving husband and all he does on a daily basis for me AND my wonderful family and friends who have come or called or written.  What would I do without all of you???  The answer to that is, I don't know.  It certainly would be difficult, to say the least.  So, thank you to all of you.  Your love and concern mean more than words can say.

Tonight's blog will be a tribute to the man who puts up with all of this and not for the first time, I might add.

OUR ANNIVERSARY
By Patty Lynn

I hardly can believe it, how long we’ve been together,
Yet in a blink I’m back again pledging that forever…
I’d love & honor always, for better and for worse.
It seems you drew the shorter straw, you've often been my “nurse.”

We couldn’t have predicted just what life had in store,
Just what would be demanded, or how much less or more.
I only wish that you’d been spared, had married someone healthy,
Or at the very least, that you had landed someone wealthy.

But you picked me and I picked you, and I’m sure glad we did
‘Cause here we are, we’ve come this far, pledged long as we both live.
But let’s face facts, there still is time and YOU might need a nurse,
We just don’t know the ebb and flow, our roles might be reversed…

And I’ll be taking care of you and we will cope as always.
We never know what to expect or what will be the next phase,
But what we know is that our love can weather any storm
And that in marriage as in life there’s no such thing as “norm.”

This is a milestone, year fifteen, and I’m so proud of us.
We’ve come so far, I know there’s more, that’s why I’ve made a fuss.
We cannot know the future for that we cannot see,
But I know that there’s no one else with whom I’d rather be.