Tuesday, September 16, 2008

POEMS TO MAKE YOU LAUGH (and Think)

Believe folks, these are just for fun and a silly perspective on O'l Father Time.
There will be many poems to follow, some funny, some for special occasions, some
for children. I hope you enjoy my first offering and they put a smile on your face.
I was smiling as I composed them. Let me know what you think.



Dear Doctor…
by Patty Lynn

I want to get lipoed and tightened and lifted,
Begin at my toes and put back what has shifted.
You say that we're talking a HUGE overhaul?
So what is the problem, take care of it all!
They do it for cars when their parts are failing.
A "slight" pick-me-up and I'll have smoothe sailing!

LOVEHANDLES they call them, I call them disgusting!
My hourglass figure could use some adjusting.
You see, all the sand found its way to the bottom,
And, by the way, saddlebags – Oh, yes sir, I got 'em!
My "wings" keep a-flappin' long after my arm's done,
And chins, I've a couple, but I'd rather just have ONE.

So let me repeat, for some lipo I'm asking,
And while you are at it, could you try multi-tasking?
'Cause when you have "sucked out" all the flab that's in excess,
Plastic surgery's needed to make this a success…
And when it's all over "A NEW WOMAN" they'll call me.
I know that I'm silly and all this is folly,
But it'd be great if TIME didn't matter,
If each year we're older we wouldn't get fatter!

So guess I'll keep dreaming and hoping I'll find...
Like for RUST, an inhibitor, for Old Father Time!


THE COMB-OVER
by Patty Lynn

Comb-over, comb-over
Why do you comb-over…
That long skinny piece from the side?
You're bald now, so face it,
That piece won't erase it,
A whole shiny scalp it won't hide!

I know that you hope it would grow back
That the hair of your youth would return,
But the truth is, it won't
So, please, sir, please don't.
It shows all the world that you yearn…
For a time when an Afro and sideburns
Was a statement of youth and aggression.
This look just won't do,
Not becoming to you,
In short, gives a lousy impression!

So revel in baldness, it's sexy!
Content that you are what you are,
A guy lacking hair,
The whole world best BEWARE!
And put down the top…of your car.


The Man Poem
By Patty Lynn

It's true that the males'
A different breed,
And, when in his youth
Knows just what he needs:
A girl who is curvy,
A girl who is pretty,
Who's favorite show
Is Sex in the City.
No brains, EASY going
A bombshell and more;
She enters a room,
Jaws drop to the floor!

But as he matures,
A true oxymoron,
Man finds there's some value,
(Though to him it seems foreign),
In having a mate
Who is smart,
Who is strong,
Who'll love him no matter
How SHORT or how LONG...
He gives his attention
And shows her some int'rest.
She loves him regardless
In fact, she seems impressed…
When he brings her flowers,
Asks her out on a date,
She primps and she preens
In short, she can't wait!

But then, mid-life crisis
Takes hold of his head,
Convinces completely
He's soon to be dead!
He's determined he's got
To assure he's attractive,
Find someone who's younger
Who's vital, who's active,
Who likes someone older.
Why, she'll keep him young,
And after his fling
Lord, look what he's done:

He's lost the best mate
A man ever had.
His children no longer
Revere their ol' dad.
The sports car's disabled
And, oops, so is he!
She gone and he's lonely.
You have to agree!

So guys, if you're list'ning,
Be careful and wise,
Appreciate women
Just open your eyes…
And treat them with kindness
Please treasure their worth
Or you might be called
The "last man on earth"!

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

Dear Patty Lynn:

What talent! There's never been another Irma Bombeck....until now! Please publish more of your work. "Comb Over says what every female alive thinks to herself, and your "nip'n tuck" had me laughing out loud the whole time I read it. I've sent the link to your Blog to a group of my friends who laughed until they cried when we saw "Menepause", and I have you securely listed in my "favorites", so please keep the poems and messages coming. You are a talented, vibrant...and may I say wise woman. Kindest Regards, CL

Jill said...

The current comment is such a compliment!! Any idea who CL is? Anywho, these poems made me laugh out loud as well! You have always been so talented in this area (as well as many others) and I'm glad you've got this creative outlet now!! OX

Laura W. said...

Patty,

This was a great idea! I'm very impressed. I loved the poem "Dear Doctor!"

Love you!
Laura